The Hunger Games with Finn and Jake
by Lia Kada
Summary: Adventure Time/Hunger Games crossover. Finn volunteers to take the place of a little kid in the Games. Expect romance eventually. AU. Reviews are nice.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: I don't know if this has been done before, but I thought it would be cool to write a crossover of Adventure Time and the Hunger Games. I was planning to do it as a joke, but now I've got a bit of an actual story planned out. Enjoy and remember to review! I love Adventure Time!_

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**The Hunger Games with Finn and Jake**: Chapter 1

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"That's jank! I volunteer!" I scream loudly as some tiny twelve-year-old gets ready to take his place as the dude Tribute for District 12.

"Bro, what are you doing?" Jake whispers, but he's the size of a safety pin and perched behind my ear, inside my hat.

"I've got to. It's part of the hero code," I insist, not really thinking about the consequences of putting myself up for slaughter. I never do. I'm seventeen years old, but I haven't changed very much. If anything, I can see that there's more evil in the world now than there ever has been, and I have to do my part to stop it. When that little boy got picked to fight to the death, I knew I had to do something, anything to help.

So, here I am. I'm walking to the front of the crowd as the little boy runs into his older brother's arms, and the sight of them hugging makes me forget that I've just signed myself up to try to kill twenty-three other kids.

I never really think these things through. Heroes act on instinct.

"And who are you?" a nasty old man with a wicked grey beard, the District 12 chaperone, asks as the fifteen-year-old chick Tribute looks at me with wide grey eyes.

"I'm Finn, and I'm taking that kid's place!" I yell. Jake bites my ear, but I can't help it. I need to do the right thing. Princess Bubblegum and the Flame Princess are watching this from the Capitol, I'm sure. They're probably upset, but I don't care right now.

"That was very brave of you, Finn," the old man says with a toothy grin. "May the odds be ever in your favor, son!"

"Algebraic," I mumble sarcastically at his disgusting enthusiasm for the Hunger Games. "Take me to the fighting place. Let's get this over with."

It's the third year the Games have existed, and apparently, it's obvious I haven't watched an episode, because Mr. Chaperone laughs at my demand.

"Well, Finn, we'll let you go home to gather your things and say your goodbyes. Then, you'll meet us at the train tonight at six o'clock sharp, and we'll take you to the Capitol. The fighting place is over there," he explains.

"Cool beans, you sick freak," I say, noticing the multicolored tattoos covering his skin, nails, and even eyes. They flicker on and off.

The chaperone glares at me and growls, "It's not a good idea to argue with your chaperone and mentor so early on, young man."

"I will if you're gonna be a wad," I shoot back. This man's totally evil. Anyone who supports these Games is.

"I think that's enough," he says with a sour, fake smile. "Well, District 12, these are your Tributes! Finn and Jemima! Now, we'll broadcast the Tributes from the other districts so that our Tributes know what they're up against."

A giant screen lights up and presents us with all of the people I'll have to fight. My hero-feelings hurt, because not all of these people are evil. But they're all going to have to die if I want to live. So much stuff is going on in my brain that Jake has to wet-willy my ear to shock me into paying attention to the screen.

"From District 1, we have Sinjin and Gwen!" the announcer, a fat lady with hair that looks like a beehive. The screen switches to show two big, burly kids with mean looks on their faces. "From District 2, we have Kasmir and Pippa! From District 3, we have Hollis and Bree! From District 4, we have Icarus and Thalasa!" The announcer goes on and I can't pay attention. My eyes are open, but they're not seeing because my brain is being dumb. I can only think about how I can win the Games but still be a hero. "From District 11, we have Milo and Portia. Last but not least, from District 12, we have Finn and Jemima!"

I look up just in time to see my face up on a huge screen. I realize that my overgrown blonde hair pokes out from underneath my hat. I wish mom was still around to make me a new one. It's getting too small on me. When the screen switches to show Jemima, a twig-thin girl with awesome red hair that reminds me of Fire Princess, I can see tears in her Seam-grey eyes. As soon as the camera stops projecting us and it's back to the announcer talking about when the Games will begin, I walk over to her and hug her.

"What are you doing?" she hisses.

"You look sad, girl. And heroes never let girls be sad," I answer her.

She doesn't say anything else, but she smiles, so I figure I must be doing something right.

"I need to go," she says after a while. It felt nice hugging her, but I see that her family's standing right by us. I can tell it's them because of the bright-red hair no one else has.

"Awks. Okay. I'll see you around, Jemima-Lima," I smile before I return towards my house in the Seam. I get weird looks. Grateful looks. The little boy comes up to me and thanks me. His mom kisses me on the cheek and his sister kisses me on the mouth, and she's kind of a babe. I blush the color of Jemima's hair.

As soon as I lock the door to our man cave, Jake pops out from my hat and returns to normal size.

"Dude!" he shouts. "What the Glob are you gonna do? You can't just go and fight alone!"

I set down my green backpack and try to think. "Easy-peasy. Shrink and come with me," I say.

"I'm scared, Finn," Jake whines. "But I'll do it for you. What's your token gonna be?"

"Token? Huh?" I ask, confuzzled.

"Every Tribute's allowed to bring one token! It can't be a weapon, because you have to get those during the Games. But you can bring one super cool thing, just to have!" Jake tells me excitedly.

"How do you know this?" I ask, suspicious.

Jake lowers his eyes. "Okay, maybe I watched an episode of the Games once," he says guiltily. "But it worked out, because you need my help, man."

"Yeah," I admit. "How am I gonna kill all those people, though? Jake, I'm supposed to be righteous!"

"You don't have to, brother. Just wait for them to kill each other until you and I are the only ones left," Jake says.

I feel so much better. "That's a totally rad idea, Jake!" I exclaim. "You and I will be righteous heroes and win the stinking Games for that cute little boy and his babe sister."

"What about Beemo?" a voice inquires from inside my backpack. I guiltily pull Beemo out and stroke her casing with my callus-fingers.

"You have to wait here for us, Beems," I say. "It's the only way. You can't shrink to hide like Jake can."

"But I can play dead!" Beemo tells me happily.

"So?" Jake and I ask at the same time. We're working on our telepathic twin hero brother link. I guess it's coming along nicely.

"I can be your token! They won't let me go if they think I can help. But if they think I'm a useless piece of metal, of course they'll let me be your token," Beemo responds.

"Oh, yeah. Sentimental value!" Jake says, high-fiving me.

"Slammacow! This'll be, like, an adventure!" I say, feeling a little bit excited even though it's stupid that kids have to die. "It'll be like camping."

"But with horrible violence and the constant possibility of a painful death, broadcast for the world to see," Jake finishes for me.


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: This is supposed to be the third year of the Hunger Games, I think, so things are going to be different (obviously, haha). Anyways, this is really fun to write. I hope you enjoy reading it as well. Remember, Finn is narrating this, so some words won't be real words. :P Reviews are always nice. :)_

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**The Hunger Games with Finn and Jake**: Chapter 2

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Jake's the size of a fruit-fly now, and he's somewhere deep in my ear-tubes. Weird. Beemo's in my pocket because Mr. Chaperone said no backpacks are allowed on the train. Jemima's parents, who came to see her off, said they'd take it back to my crib. Well, I think that's what they said. They were crying so hard I could barely tell. I thanked them and told them I'd be nice to Jemima as part of my duty as a hero.

"So, Finn, we'll be at the Capitol in about an hour," Mr. Chaperone says as the train whirs smoothly across the countryside.

"Sweet," I reply with a ginormous yawn. I couldn't care less. I've been asleep for most of the ride, after I finished stuffing my face with their free food. Mr. Chaperone told me I wasn't being a gentleman and I told him he wasn't being one either if he was helping set kids up to kill each other.

"So, we've got a rebel on our hands," he'd said with a mean look on his jacked-up face.

I _am_ a rebel, but I'm not a dummy. "I'm not a rebel, you butt," I'd retorted. "I just don't like seeing innocent people die. If you do, there's something seriously fudged up inside of your brain-guts."

Mr. Chaperone didn't talk for a while after that.

I go back to sleep and have more wacky dreams about swords stabbing the Ice King and Princesses kissing me and Marceline's dad eating fries and Flambo spitting on Jake. When I wake up again, I get up from my train-bed and look out the window. We're going towards some huge buildings that look like castles. I groan when I remember that the kingdoms are now clumped into one huge Capitol and everyone else is pushed to the side. I never see Princess Bubblegum anymore. She can't associate with us regular folk. She just hangs out with the stupid Capitol people, the royalty. It makes my insides stingy when I think about it. I don't know what I'm feeling, but it's not the nice feeling like when Marceline and I go prank jerk-faces and Jake and I make everything-burritos.

"Jemima, Finn! We're here," Mr. Chaperone announces cheerily. I don't get how he can be happy about something like this. I haven't had much reason to smile in, like, three years, when this poopy government started. I'm seventeen; I should be living free and barefoot in the woods eating Tree Trunks' pies and hunting monsters, not getting ready to kill some helpless kids. A lot has changed in three years.

"Awesome sauce," I say sarcastically as Jemima and I stand up and get ready to hop off the train. "Let's get this over with."

"Not so fast, Finn. There's a gala tonight, in the Capitol. All of the elites will be there. The Tributes must go to make good impressions for _sponsors_!" Mr. Chaperone stresses. Oh, right. He explained the concept of sponsors to me at some point; basically, I have to use my hero skills to be super sexy and charming, and people will give me free junk. Simple enough.

"Ugh, do I have to go?" I ask, but then I realize he said that the elites will be there. That means Fire Princess, Princess Bubblegum, all the princesses! It'll be my last chance to see them before Jake, Beemo, and I go into the Games. I haven't really been thinking about what happens if we don't win. I can't think like that. I never did when I was little. But I'm seventeen now, and I'm not an idiot. There's a real chance that I could die. Maybe even Jake and Beemo. That scares me, and makes me feel really awful for a while, which is why I don't think about it too much. But if I'm going to die, I want to see my old friends - alright, maybe some of them were more than friends - one last time before they see me all messed up on TV.

Mr. Chaperone rolls his eyes and leads me and a silent Jemima off of the train. I'm not really paying attention now. I'm just going through the motions as Mr. Chaperone leads us to a room where some green-skinned ugly chicks douse the two of us with hot water that smells like clean laundry - not that I know how it smells like, but I'm just guessing here - and flowers. Gross. They pour powder all over Jemima that suds up and melts off her clothes. Thank Glob I left Beemo on the table with my hat; they would've melted away, too.

I'm careful not to look at Jemima's lady bits, because that's pervy. Her skin is as bright red as her hair on account of her blushing. I'm blushing just as much until they pour the powder on me. Not only does it cause my clothes to disintegrate, but my scabs and scars vanish.

"No! Those are my hero marks!" I yell as my skin turns smooth and pearly.

"You look handsome now, Finn!" a fat lady with a purple tongue warbles. "So handsome! You'll get sponsors, for sure! Just let your pretty, golden hair show!"

"No way, woman. My hat comes first," I argue.

"Listen to your prep team," Mr. Chaperone warns from the entrance of the pure white room.

A woman that looks like a horse leads Jemima away to an area with a bunch of dresses and woman-stuff. Two of the green-skinned uggos stay with me.

"We've got some nice clothes for you, sweetie," a stick-thin, six-foot-tall lady with deep blue hair informs me. "Put them on, now," she instructs, handing me crisp, ironed khakis and a button-down jean shirt.

"What?" I shout automatically. "Where's my ragged hero stuff?"

"Technically, it's being recycled into koi ponds," the fat lady shrugs.

Mr. Chaperone flashes his eyes at me dangerously, so I keep my mouth shut. For Jake and Beemo's sake. Because if I die, they'll probably die too. I'm the man of the house. Besides that chivalrous stuff, Jake, Beemo, and I formulated a plan to win the Games, a plan more detailed than any other plan we've ever made. It has to work.

"Fine," I grumble as I slide into clean plaid boxers, soft white socks, an ironed undershirt, and the dweebish outfit they're forcing me to wear. Lastly, they give me boat shoes that pinch my feet to put on. I can't believe I was _excited_ when I first heard that there were still humans left alive in the world. They're all sucky.

"Let's go to the gala now that you look almost presentable," Mr. Chaperone says with a forced grin as Jemima finishes dressing and joins us.

"Fine," I repeat, grabbing Beemo and my hat and shoving them into my pockets.

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As much as I hate the Capitol and most everyone in it, I can't help but admire the wicked design of the ballroom. It's so big and crowded that you can't see one end of the room from the other. There are gargantuan screens covering every inch of the wall and ceiling, and from the screen that shows a bird's eye view, I can see that the words "THE HUNGER GAMES" are formed by the food tables, which hold everything from lamb chops to minestrone soup to cow tongues to red velvet cake. Jazzy music is playing and almost all of the Tributes look out of place next to the crazy-looking Capitol elites with dyed skin and tattoos and piercings and frilly, obnoxious clothes.

I stick by Jemima, who looks absolutely terrified. Her denim dress matches my shirt. She says the prep team does that on purpose, because all of the other Tributes are matching, too. The Tributes from District 4, who introduce themselves as Icarus and Thalasa, are wearing matching clothes that are a cool shade of sea-green. It matches their eyes.

"I'm Finn, and this is Jemima," I greet the Tributes from District 7. They're decked out in green, leafy outfits that look pretty tacky.

"I'm Madira," a small girl with blonde curls whispers.

"Tommer," a distant-looking brawny guy about my age says lazily.

After short conversations with the Tributes, like the twins who were by chance both reaped from District 9 - Somi and Siha - I learn that talking to kids that are probably all gonna die soon just makes me sad. So I plan to pull away from all of them, even Jemima. I feel bad, because she's growing on me. She tells me all about her family and the work she does in the Hob, which is the market where she sells clothes, and how her favorite food is the red velvet cake she only has on special occasions. I laugh because her hair almost matched the color of the cake. She laughs when I laugh and she holds my hand and kisses my cheek and thanks me for making her laugh. Then my chest starts hurting for some reason so I tell her she should go meet the rest of the Tributes while I run behind the Capitol freaks towards the corner of the ballroom.

My chest hurts so badly now I nearly fall over. I bump into someone before I can stop my feet.

"Hey, watch it, you butt!" I hear a familiar voice screech.

"Princess?" I ask, dazed. I look up and see Princess Bubblegum. She fits right in with all of the Capitol people, even though she's not human. Her pink-tinged skin and fuchsia hair-do aren't unique anymore.

"Finn," she responds coldly, her eyes not meeting mine.

"Sorry," I mumble, wondering why she's being so crazy.

"SORRY? You're going to _die_, Finn. That's not okay. You're so dumb," she bursts, and then she's crying and I'm trying to hold her but Fire Princess attempts to pull me away and burns my freshly healed skin.

"Ow! Totally not math," I whimper. Guards pull us apart and the Fire Princess looks venomously jealous that I hugged PB. But PB lets them pull us apart and doesn't say anything more. Princesses.

Before I can think about what PB said to me, Mr. Chaperone comes to where the guards surround me and says, "It's time to leave, Finn. We need to fix up your arm and get you and Jemima to bed. The Games start tomorrow."


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: Sorry for being such a bum with updating. School sucks. This is a lot of fun to write, though. Please review? x_

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**The Hunger Games with Finn and Jake**: Chapter 3

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"Finn?" someone whispers, waking me up from my light slumber. I couldn't get any real sleep, not tonight.

"Marceline?" I murmur instinctively. Who else would be awake so late? I was used to Marcy hiding in my house only to wake me up in the middle of the night and force me to go hunting or wolf-chasing or music-making with her. After a while, she didn't have to force me. Spending time with her was something I looked forward to, even though she's totally insane.

"Who's Marceline?" someone who I begin to understand is Jemima asks.

"An old friend. Sorry," I answer, trying not to think of how I haven't seen her in ages. When Panem was established and the rebellion started - which was only a handful of years in the past but feels like forever ago - Marcy went into hiding somewhere far away instead of dealing with the corrupt political system. I was mad at her when she left, but I wish I went with her now.

"It's okay," Jemima says, making herself comfortable in my bed. I figure she's super scared, so I wrap my arms around her. She's small and cold and obviously terrified. Jake, the size of a caterpillar now, holds onto my earlobe for dear life as our bodies shift positions.

"It'll be okay, Jemima-Lima," I say, condoning my lying if it'll make her feel better.

"No, it won't," she cries. "I'm going to die."

"You don't know that," I respond guiltily, knowing full well that if everything goes according to my plan, she'll end up dead. Not by my hands, but dead nonetheless. And dead is dead.

"When I was little, everything was so nice and peaceful. Now, everything's ugly and horrible," she tells me angrily. "How did this happen? I never hurt anyone."

"I know, I know," I reassure her as best as I can, but I'm awful with feelings and stuff. "Try to think about the good stuff right now. Think about your family and all of the fun things you did with them. Think about the time you lived by the ocean before you moved. Think…Think happy junk. That's all you can do, I guess." I'm not sure why I remember everything she told me about her life when we were at the gala. But I do.

"There's still time for one more happy memory to be made," she says after a while, her voice sounding different than it had been before and her sobs subsiding.

"Huh?" I ask, unsure what she means. But then she rolls over and she's on top of me. She shook the bed so hard I can only pray Jake escaped right before her hands pin me onto the fluffy mattress. "What are you-"

But I can't even answer, because Jemima jams her tongue in my mouth. I can't feel anything except total weirdness, but Jemima looks happy, so I just let her get on with it. She runs her fingers through my hair and all I can do is just lay there wondering how all of the kissing makes her feel better. It feels pretty gross to me. I kind of want to push her away, because we both need as much sleep as we can get, but she's smiling and it's part of my moral code to try to make people happy.

* * *

I wake up with the sun, and Jemima's gone. Good. I hope she got enough sleep. The first thing I hear is Jake hissing, "Dude! That chick was all over you! Why didn't you do anything?"

I can't see Jake, so he must've gone back into my ear. "I don't know, bro, it was weird," I reply quietly so no one thinks I'm talking to myself. "Like…Like kissing a dead girl." I feel awful right after I say it. "I don't know. I've only ever spit-shared with the Fire Princess. And PB, like, once. Those times were different."

"Jemima's a purty lady!" Jake insists.

"Then go marry her!" I shout. Ugh. That's the second awful thing I've said today. "Sorry, man. I know you're married to Rainicorn."

"I was," Jake says glumly. "She's gone without a trace, remember?"

"We'll find her as soon as we finish this business with these Games, alright?" I say, trying to make up for what I shouted before.

"Alright. Grab Beemo, they cleared you to use him as your token. And meet everyone downstairs in a half hour, dude, they're taking you to the Arena," Jake tells me.

"How do you know this?" I inquire, getting dressed in the fighting outfit laid out for me and shoving my hat in one of my pockets and Beemo in the other.

"Come _on_, Finn. Read the gigantic screen that takes up one whole wall in your room," Jake says in that annoyed voice he always gets when he's nervous.

"We'll be fine," I say as I shove down some slices of ham and bowls of oatmeal that were left in my room for breakfast.

"I know. Because of your plan," Jake recalls, but he sounds uncertain.

"Exactly," I say, shoving Beemo in my jacket pocket as I guzzle down some water. "We'll be out of this mess in no time."

* * *

"This might hurt a little bit," a chubby nurse with a frizzy orange afro - that reminds me a bit too much of the clown nurses - warns me as she prepares to inject a tracker into my arm.

"A little bit?" I scoff. Jemima just got her tracker put in and she's fighting off tears.

I swear I can see the nurse roll her eyes right before she shoves the needle in my arm. I feel a searing pain that shoots up through me, and I try not to cry out.

"Barely hurt at all," I mumble when I can speak again.

"Get into your pod, Finn," Mr. Chaperone says, annoyed. Jemima's already in her pod - a glass cylinder that lifts us into the Arena.

I step into mine and I can feel my heart beating through my chest. I can also feel Jake's heart beating in my ear. I realize I've left my hat in the Capitol hotel room I stayed at, and that makes me kind of bummed out. But I've got a battle to fight and a plan to execute.

I slip into a daydream for a moment and beg the Astral Beast to help me out with this. Maybe not in the form of butterflies this time.

Before I know it, I feel myself being raised up into the sunlight.

"3, 2, 1," a cool voice echoes throughout the forest I've just been lifted into. "Let the third annual Hunger Games begin!"


End file.
